reignfall: (20)
𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔢𝔦 𝔩𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯. ([personal profile] reignfall) wrote2021-09-19 07:09 pm

𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔟𝔬𝔯𝔫𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔢𝔦𝔤𝔫.

In spite of all her terrible fears, it really does seem as though it was naught but the common fever, which had struck her young son. Joffrey Zarek had never known a day's suffering, however, not a lack of rest nor a hint of true hunger, and though he is but few turns away from his third nameday, encroaching upon them in the second month of the year, the disease passed by him quickly. It is the fourth day now, and his appetite was ferocious when she had broken her fast with him on honeyed bread and fruit, he was eagerly chasing a cat he had spotted right thereafter, and only during their walk in the open air did any sort of fatigue catch him. Awake he remained for the waterfalls and his spotting of a large bird of prey, though he was solidly asleep in her arms soon enough on their way back. Before she set him down in his bed, she felt his forehead for the umpteenth time, but it is as the healer had assured her: he is well once more, even the cough is gone.

Relieved, she leaves the boy to his afternoon nap, and goes again to find her husband. Gone had he been in the earliest hours of morning, as was his usual way, though it is strange that he not even been present to ignore her request to join her and their son for their morning meal, nor has she seen hide nor hair of him since.

She finds him in his study, in the end, and it does not take more than a look for her to know what has befallen him. There is a glaze to his otherwise so sharp eyes, a pallor to his skin, dark rings beneath his eyes. The lips dry and cracked, his breath the lightest rasp. "My emperor." She inclines her head, though she is trying fast to suppress a hint of mirth. "If you would excuse me for another moment?"
borntoreign: (Men do not forget old injuries)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-01-30 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"I know what I need to do!" he snaps, and for a moment there, the mask - the control - has slipped; there is something feral and frightened underneath. His lip draws back from his teeth, and he drags the furs up over himself, still sitting propped against the bedstead as he glares at her. "I am sick, Cersei, not a child. I have let you drag me from my work, be satisfied with that."

He is not a child. There is no part of him, he must believe, that is a child; least of all that furtive edge in his eyes, which he refuses to be aware of. There is no part of him that is other than the Emperor. He is the Emperor. He has complete control of himself, and a fever will not master him.

He exhales slowly, through his teeth, and his hands clench for a moment. Then he is himself again: pale, shivering, fever-sheened, but himself nonetheless, his face returned to a mask.

"I don't give a shit what you understand about it, in any case. What is there to understand? He drank too much and fucked carelessly, and in the end, carelessness killed him. It started to kill him before I was even born. I have told you before that my father was not a wise man." Has he? He really can't remember, he realises, how much he's told her about Gostislav. How much he's told anyone, for that matter. Why bother? Gostislav is a worm-eaten corpse in the crypts these thirty years, and there's no point rifling through the bones.

He wonders, faintly, if he ever told her about the silver nose. How it tarnished where it sat against supperating flesh. How it glinted like a knife in the candlelight.

Probably not. Why would he?
borntoreign: (Take the vanguard)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-01-30 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
"My son," Casimir retorts, with a heavy edge of disdain, "is not Emperor." Yet. He must remember the yet. He must remember, too, the inevitable passage of how that yet will come to be. Joffrey is his assassin-in-waiting, the looming reminder of an end. He is glad, even so, that it will not be a fever that kills the child. It will not be a fever that kills him, either. "He has no reason not to lie down. He has no work to be dragged away from."

As though that were the point. He knows it is not the point. He knows, if he is honest with himself, that the reason he will not lie down is that he is afraid: of wasted time, of lost strength, of death that doesn't even have the decency to offer him a fight.

He is not honest with himself. He remains where he is, letting his head fall back against the heavy wood of the headboard, and looks up at the carved crest overhead. A long, slow exhale. His chest aches.

"As for Gostislav, there is no reason to say much. He was a stupid man, a bad king, and a failure, and he left no legacy to speak of. But none of it is a secret. There, now I've told you everything worth knowing about the man."
borntoreign: (He who is highly esteemed)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-01-30 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
He gives her a look of withering scorn, which is somehow made more impactful, not less, by the slight difficulty he has keeping focus.

"He hated me." There is, in the end, remarkably little resentment in his tone. This, more than anything else he has said about his father, has the ring of a simply-stated fact - which, after all, it is. There may have been instabilities and uncertainties in his upbringing, but if there was one thing he knew he could count on as a child, it was that. "He would have smothered me in my cradle, except he was too stupid to keep any other heir. Though the sky above knows he must have fathered dozens of them." Then, as though it is only occurring to him now, "Then again, they would probably have been syphilitic halfwits, too."
borntoreign: (Everyone can see but few can feel)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-02-03 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
He laughs, and if the comment on his father's hate was curiously absent of bitterness, the same cannot be said of that laugh. Without the softening of conscious care, it is a bleak sound indeed.

"All the better," he echoes, a mocking agreement. One of us had to be, he thinks. And that thought is fever-tinged, and again, he thinks of the movement he imagined in the shadows, the gleam of light on metal. He wonders, for the first time in many years, whether when death comes it will wear his father's face. When the darkness does take him, will there be a glint of silver?

His laugh dies away, and he is silent, staring glassy-eyed up at the canopy. At last, slowly, he raises his head to look at her.

"Pour me more tea." Whether the sage will help, he cannot say. Nor will he allow himself to admit that he is thinking of its curative properties; it soothes his throat, that is all. He is not afraid of what will come. He has never feared death before; why would he fear it now? "Pour more tea, and put another log on the fire. I will sweat this out."
borntoreign: (Men never do good but by necessity)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-02-19 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Casimir laughs again at that, although it is a little less hollow this time, and sounds a little more like himself - albeit weaker, less full-throated.

"He was right," he says, as he takes the mug from her. "He was right to hate me, and he was right to fear me. I would have killed him myself, if he had only lived another year or two, and the realm would have thanked me for it." And, in his fantasies of that matter, they would have feared him then from the first. How much trouble might have been spared, if only they had taken him seriously as soon as he was king!

But then he would not have had to grow so hard and so strong, and he might not be the man he is today. Perhaps it was for the best, after all.

He raises an eyebrow as she picks out a fur. There must, he thinks, be some ulterior motive in her solicitousness, and it troubles him that he cannot spot it. "Besides, even if I had been a docile lamb, he would have hated me. He hated my mother, too."
borntoreign: (Fortune being changeful)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-02-25 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Under normal conditions, he would snap at her again, remind her that this is something he himself said only a few moments ago - that he does not need to be told that sickness must be sweated out, that he knows as well as she does how to fight illness. But, perhaps just as well for the remnants of his dignity, he is distracted by memory, and all he offers by way of retort is an irritable grunt, his itching eyes closing for a moment. He will not think, either, about how long that moment might be.

"She was clever," he says, at last. "I should think that was it. I never knew her, but she was clever enough to survive his anger and do as she pleased." His eyes open, heavy-lidded and puffy, and fix on her with something that - perhaps only through the muddling of fever - nearly resembles fondness. "I imagine she must have been not unlike you."
borntoreign: (A fox to recognise a trap)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-03-06 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
If he were in a better state, if he were fully himself, he would answer her curtly: What does it matter what I would have liked? What is, is. He has never been one to dwell on the past - at least, not in waking hours.

But this is not precisely waking hours, as is belied by the way he sinks down against the pillows as he finishes his tea, giving her a bleary and only slightly baleful look as she settles beside him. He is not asleep, but nor is he fully awake - a rare middle-ground for a man who has trained himself to go from sleep to full alertness in an instant.

"I would have liked to know who she was." His accent is stronger than it usually is, and his voice burred a little at the edges. His frown has deepened; he clutches the empty cup between his hands, surprisingly tightly. Painfully tightly, for how his fingers tremble. The knuckles are white. It is as though he is trying to anchor himself on this, of all things. "I used to wonder... but I was a child then." Perhaps it is working, that strange anchor; for a moment, he seems to draw back to himself a little. "I thought I needed her. If she had lived, everything would have been well. But it would not have been; it would have been worse."
borntoreign: (Men do not forget old injuries)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-03-13 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
He never needed anyone. It is true. He has needed things from people, has relied on their loyalty or their avarice or their stupidity many times; he is not foolish enough to think that he can stand truly on his own, hated by everyone. He tried that, once. But he needs what they can give him, nothing more or less; and there is nobody in the world who cannot be replaced in his plans. He never needed anyone.

He does not, however, bat her hand away, although he doesn't take it, either. "What does Tyrion have to do with it? Killing him would not have brought her back. Even as a child, you must have known that." He contrives, even in his current state, to offer a remarkable amount of scorn in so few words. As though similar thoughts had never occurred to him: as though his hatred for his father had not been deepened by the suspicion that more could have been done. Killing Gostislav would not have undone any of the evils of his reign, either, but it would have been deeply satisfying. Killing his mother's nameless lover might have had the same effect, he has sometimes considered.

A muscle jumps in his neck, and he presses his lips more tightly together, against the persistent unsteadiness that plagues him today. "Besides, it is hardly the same. You knew your mother a while, and your father gave a shit about her. It's a different situation."
borntoreign: (He who wishes to be obeyed)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-03-18 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't know what you expect of me," he grumbles, looking at her askance. There is - though he would never admit to it - something almost petulant in his tone, as though he is stung by her words. "The way you talk, I think you would need three husbands at least: one to fuss over you, one to fuss over the boy, and one to rule. All that, and you would still have me stop and crawl into bed every time I sniffle."

True, this is noticeably more than a sniffle, but that is hardly the point. She does spend far too much of their marriage, in his estimation, trying to cajole him to rest, or to fuck, or to otherwise make time for her - as though he does not already spend a disproportionate amount of his free time between her and the boy.

"I spend plenty of time with him."
borntoreign: (Be made to suffer)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-03-19 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"I could be the greatest man who ever lived, and there would still only be twenty-four hours in the day." Again, there is that bristling in his tone, a resentment that it should even be questioned. He is, he is proud enough to believe, more than most men - but only in will and vigour, not in the ability to make an hour longer than its minutes. Does she suppose, his tone demands, that he is not using his time well enough? That he has time to waste? It is almost an admission of weakness - but, no. No, it is simple fact. No man, surely, could do more with the time he is given than Casimir has done?

(But the time is short, and growing shorter, and there is more you could do. There is always more you could do. Does she think her comfort is so much more important to him than his power?)

He sighs, a hoarse and scoffing sound that turns into a cough. "He will determine what sort of man he becomes. Not me, and not you."
borntoreign: (Everyone can see but few can feel)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-03-19 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
It is as well, perhaps, that he is sinking so inexorably towards sleep (whether he wants to or not), and that he feels so leaden in his limbs and so muddy in his thoughts. It is as well, because even under those circumstances, there is an alarming lurch in the pit of his chest at that hastily cut-off admission, at what it might mean. What conspiracy is she working, that calls for that kind of open near-compliment? What does she stand to gain by his resting, except that it will loosen his grip on his power? And, worst of all: why do those questions feel like they ring so hollow, as though he already knows that she did not, after all, say it as part of some grander campaign against him?

He cannot feel her hand on his chest, not through the furs. Even so, he finds himself strangely aware of it, and of his own disinclination to move it.

"Then we must both be careful not to coddle him too much." His voice lacks its usual sharpness. "Or he will learn to value that, and in adulthood, no-one will be so gentle with him."
borntoreign: (No other object or thought)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-04-03 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
He does not push her away. He can tell himself, will no doubt tell himself, that it is down to the heaviness of his limbs and that uncomfortable knowledge that he must, after all, rest to restore himself as soon as possible to fighting condition. He can tell himself that he feels no comfort in her closeness, that there is no part of him that turns towards the weight of her body against the furs; he can tell himself, too, that if he did, it would only be a kind of habituation, for they have in the past few years slept beside one another more often than not. He can tell himself many things. He has always been a consummate liar.

What he cannot do is stifle his own answering yawn, or resist the urge to let his eyes close again and remain closed. Nor is he master enough of his own body, in this moment, to keep it from shifting a little closer still, until her breath brushes cool against his fevered cheek. He cannot dwell too much on it, except to think that perhaps, if he is fortunate, they will both have forgotten such small lapses by the morrow.

"What a man values," he warns, in a voice made less stern by the yawn half-stifled beneath it, "is what will kill him. What he loves. Why do you think I love nothing but victory?"

But victory is cold and as empty as a ringing bell, and she is warm, and he has found himself strangely at peace here in that warmth.
borntoreign: (Take the vanguard)

[personal profile] borntoreign 2022-04-09 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
He hardly stirs when she moves, and he hardly stirs when she speaks. It is so rare that he fully gives himself over to sleep, to anything so vulnerable as oblivion, that he struggles to wake at all, his body clinging to what it has so often been denied. If it were not for the heat of his body and the loud rasp of his breath against a swollen throat, he might easily be mistaken for a dead man, so still and peacefully has he slept.

Even when the cloth is laid against his brow, he does not fully surface: he only rises out of the depths of oblivion into the shallower waters of half-dreaming. He moves sluggishly to find the knife beneath his pillow, but does not draw it. The familiar smoothness of its bone handle is enough to comfort his half-waking mind, and his body feels so heavy, so entirely immovable. Besides, the cool caress of the cloth is not unpleasant in the slightest, and he does not, in his addled state, particularly want to push it away.

He mumbles - in Vasi, garbled with sleep - something he will not remember. Death makes hands cold, Mother. Stirs a little, his hand still clasping the knife beneath his pillow, to turn towards her touch and the weight that shifts the mattress beneath him. Surfaces a little further, still clinging to dreams. In sleep, his face has a different caste, slackened and almost gentle despite the feverish glow; as he rises towards the sharp-edged wakefulness that he so rarely releases, his features harden a little, draw back to their usual sardonic look. At last, fully half a minute since she spoke, one eye opens, bleary with sleep and not fully focused.

"Gold." It is mumbled, too, and he still is not entirely confident which language he speaks, but fortunately, his unconscious mind seems to have settled on Westerosi. His brow furrows beneath the cloth, and his tone is that of a man trying to draw together the disparate pieces of a thought. "Your hair. Gold."

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